this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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