Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
