someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
