one two three fourrrrnication!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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