Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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