so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
