get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
