I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
