come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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