i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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