okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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