I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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