So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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