Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
