this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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