There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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