I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
