Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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