I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she pinky promised me she was 18
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
