actually, I'm a sock model
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
