dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
