and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
