I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
