Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
