we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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