What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
