I wannas sexs uuuuu
Buhtt sex?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
