it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
