marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
