...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
