I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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