i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
