When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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