she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
