hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
