Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
