OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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