I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
