Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
