My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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