So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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