OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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