His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just high enough for therapy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
