they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
