Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
