woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
