bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
