im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
