K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
