Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
