Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
